I’m really getting up here on this soapbox

That’s what this journal is today anyway 

A soapbox 

My journal is my soapbox 

When I can’t get up here it’s not 

Bc I can’t write 

But 

Bc I can’t talk 

And that’s exactly what it means when I can’t write 

Damn 

It’s crazy how you have to prove yourself 

What you have to do to do that 

What you have to do to prove yourself as a copywriter when you’re me 

How you have to be in-house as the only copywriter at a company who hasn’t any idea what that process takes other than the experiences they’ve had w past copywriters 

Which says nothing 

Bc they were probably giving them the same shit 

It’s hella hard 

And they have no idea what it’s like to be the only in-house copywriter on a team of product managers 

And graphic designers 

It’s hella fucked 

But it’s also comforting in a way 

Bc that should tell you how much their words mean when it comes to their opinions of your work 

And where you are as a copywriter 

Bc they don’t have any idea 

If they think you’re the worst copywriter they ever had no shit 

You told them that’s what hiring you would mean based on your past experience like for how quote unquote bad this is going this is the best experience I’ve ever had as a copywriter 

Idk if they realize that 

How much more this is benefitting me atm than it is them 

So basically take every opinion of your copy 

And work ethic as a copywriter from them w a grain of salt 

Bc this is more 

Or less your first rodeo 

Every time is 

I’m like a con artist in that way 

I have no idea what im doing 

This is the last time I’m gonna ask Robert if he’s watching the game

I hella specified in the message

I said this is the last time im gonna ask

And I mean it

If he says na I’m never asking again

Hell have to invite me from here on out

Or lmk

Bc I’ll never ask him to another warriors game ever again as long as I live as god as my witness

Tired of being shot down frankly

Game four was a wash

Said Alan was staying

So there were too many ppl at Angelo’s to host me

And he wanted to go to bed soon

I’m like okay

It’s almost like a putdown

Starting to feel that way

So im putting my foot down once

And for all

Im not gonna take this anymore

This game he plays every time

Bailed on game one I think altogether

Or actually I just watched it w someone else

Idek if I asked

I think same for game two

Or actually I was supposed to watch it w them until I bailed for my workshop

Which was excellent

Caught the last quarter w Spencer at that bar down the street from jordan’s studio

Then game three was at fickong honore w Spencer again

Plus hella bros after my reading

But game four is the last straw dude

I ain’t letting this shit ride anymore

This is his last chance

This man did not want my money

Rival smoke shop across the street from my regular one off the graham stop 

It was early 

I was like you gotta cool mint air box 

I think he was like na 

But like he didn’t know what it was 

So I showed him 

Then he went to the back like he was gonna get it before he came to the counter 

And was like can I help you 

I repeated my order 

And he indicated to the air box sitting right there on the counter 

I was like how much 

He was like twenty two 

I was like it’s usually twenty across the street 

And he was like okay 

I’ll give it to you for that much like damn right 

You know I bought this before right 

I hella showed you 

I was like gimme my receipt 

Gotta make sure after that 

I hella don’t trust you  

I stfg every morning is like an obstacle course

And this wasn't any different

TurboTax is honestly like those guys that be throwing around height like those guys that thought they were six something

And thought I was around the same 

But less like na 

You like six something 

Bc I’m almost seven foot when they’re like maybe a little over six 

And I’m like probably barely five eleven 

TurboTax is like oh yeah 

You’re getting three racks almost around like two 

And a half 

You’re balling 

Go put a down payment on a car 

Or some shit 

You out here breu 

Ain’t no stopping you 

Pay off your shit 

Whatever debt you have 

You are about to get it all back right now 

Irs is like yeah 

They computed it wrong 

Here’s some of it like a little less than half of that

Now I hella need this job 

They’re like my job 

Being like you’re doing fine 

We don’t expect much of you yet 

This third week they’re like everyone here hates your writing 

And you almost 

And you’re nothing like what we expected 

I’m balling 

Now I could see why I like that book so much about that guy who thinks he’s hella coming up when he’s not 

Bc that’s me in a nutshell 

Everything regarding me 

And my lifestyle seems good on some level in theory 

But there’s always a stark contrast in the reality of how things turn out 

Why can’t things ever just be nice 

Nothing can ever just be good for me huh 

It’s always gotta turn out the opposite way than what it was when it first presented itself 

I just counted from where I said this feels like five hundred words 

And it came out to three forty 

So that’s what that feels like when you think you feel like you have five hundred 

Or like you’re coming up on that much 

It’s actually like three 

So you’re no different from those guys 

Or TurboTax 

Or anyone who has this heavily inflated idea of their self like me 

Who would’ve thought in a million years that a phone would be the thing that defines us all

That’s like the avengers being the group of super heroes that define the mcu 

Hella random right 

I know 

No one saw phones coming 

But here we are today like a phone 

A flip phone 

If you would’ve told me years before then I would’ve laughed in your face 

At your face even 

Gtfo here 

A phone 

Are you kidding me 

You gotta be 

The thing you call from 

The thing you call 

And receive calls from 

Ran dom

The phone 

I mean the phone 

Before the phone became what it is today is like anakin skywalker before he became darth Vader like I wonder what marked the turn you know like when anakon slaughtered that entire village thinking that they killed his family 

I wonder what event there was like that in the phones history 

I wonder what made everyone stop 

And look at the phone like oh shit 

That thing is gonna be something to be reckoned w 

You laugh now 

But wait 

You just wait 

And see what the phone has in store for us 

I always knew phones would blow up tbh 

It’s like plants 

You know succulents 

I was way ahead of it 

I was way ahead 

I didn’t have any 

I still dont 

But I’ve thought about it 

I’ve had some actually 

It didn’t do well 

They didnt 

I remember having two 

One at a time 

One at a time at two very different parts of my life 

The last was enough to make me realize that they’re not for me 

You know what it was that marked the turning point for me 

What marked the turning point for phones actually was when they got maps 

Google maps 

That’s actually what made me want one 

I wanted google maps 

Bc I’ve never had any sense of directions 

That was when I wanted a phone 

A smart phone 

That’s when phones became smart to me 

And made me want one 

It’s when they got maps 

That was the turning point to me 

That was like when anakin slaughtered that entire village of innocent ppl in a blind rage 

It’s when phones got maps 

I think I wrote this 

Bc I’m hella excited about my new phone purchase 

It’s the best one I’ve ever made 

And my reason for thinking so has nothing to do w maps today 

My how times have changed 

You would think it was only yesterday when all ppl wanted was maps 

I do however still think in a way that that’s all ppl still want today 

Maps 

A sense of direction 

Bc we’re all still lost in some way